I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize