p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
