I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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