1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
