So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
