Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
