so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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