fuck your aforementioned shoe
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
