Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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