official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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