He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
