I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
