I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
