I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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