She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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