you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
