my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
