i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
