1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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