I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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