oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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