so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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