She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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