Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
