Apparently you make a good broom.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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