You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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