Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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