I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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