nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
