Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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