Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
