u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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