Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize