I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
