I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
