i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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