I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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