I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
