shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
