The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize