see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
