the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
