Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
