It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
God, I missed his penis.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize