When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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