i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he puts the penis in happiness.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize