Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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