I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
