you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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