Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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