drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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