youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
