That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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