Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
