i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize