I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
