I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
