one might say we're banned from that church
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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