Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
