It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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