the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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