I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We're too hungover to prance.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
