u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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