how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
