If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
