I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
