Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
